Territorians celebrate the same-sex marriage Yes vote announcement at the Oaks Hotel in Darwin .
Camera IconTerritorians celebrate the same-sex marriage Yes vote announcement at the Oaks Hotel in Darwin . Credit: News Corp Australia, JUSTIN KENNEDY

It’s been a long, tough road to equality

HAYLEY SORENSENNT News

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PHILLIP Coffey and James Emery have worn rings on their right hands since 2015.

The rings are a symbol of their love and commitment to each other and the lives they’ve built together during their nine-year relationship.

But at the moment, those rings mean nothing in the eyes of the law. As a de facto couple, they’re afforded some protections under both Northern Territory and Commonwealth laws, but if one of them were to become sick or die, the other would have to jump through hoops to prove their relationship to have the right to make decisions about their care or estate.

That will change soon. Wednesday’s Yes vote means it’s possible legislation will be passed to legalise same-sex marriages in the final two weeks of Parliamentary sittings of 2017.

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If that happens, Malcolm Turnbull’s pledge to make same-sex marriages legal by Christmas could become reality.

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IT HAS been a long road leading to this point — there have been dozens of same-sex marriage bills introduced to Parliament in the past few years.

Territorians Kirsty Hunt and Amber Sayers.
Camera IconTerritorians Kirsty Hunt and Amber Sayers. Credit: News Corp Australia

Since August, the validity of relationships such as that shared by Mr Emery and Mr Coffey have been fodder for public discussion, with thousands of column inches and hours of broadcast time and dinner table conversation devoted to dissecting their worth. There have been messages written in the sky and scrawled across Darwin shopfronts in black spray paint.

It was an anxious time for Australia’s LGBTIQ community and their supporters.

Nowhere was that anxiety more apparent this week than a small function room at Darwin’s Oaks hotel.

About 100 people crammed in to watch the results read out live. The minutes ticked on tortuously as Australia’s chief statistician David Kalisch explained the role of the ABS and thanked traditional custodians. It took more than four minutes for him to get to the guts of it — 62 per cent of Australians said Yes.

There were tears, photographs and whoops as that anxiety gave way to joy. Mr Emery and Mr Coffey were in that room to hear those words they’d waited years to hear.

It was a bittersweet moment.

“I think some people were expecting it to be a little bit higher though. Even though (a yes vote was returned) it’s disappointing that 40 per cent of the population still don’t support us,” Mr Emery said.

They had slightly less support from their fellow Territorians — 61 per cent of respondents from the NT voted to change the law. Despite the dissenters, the pair said they had encountered only positivity and support from Territorians.

Government, businesses and councils got behind the same-sex marriage push, flying the rainbow flag and arguing for equality.

“Things like that make you feel proud to be a Territorian,” Mr Emery said. The pair have been at the forefront of Darwin’s LGBTIQ community for years, fighting for acceptance in what can be at times, a conservative town. Even their wedding was part-stunt, part genuine commitment. They were married in Civic Park at the Darwin Pride Festival in 2015 — alongside seven other couples of various sexual orientations.

Crowd at Darwin’s Oaks Hotel as the Yes vote is announced.
Camera IconCrowd at Darwin’s Oaks Hotel as the Yes vote is announced. Credit: News Corp Australia

“It was definitely a commitment to each other, but it was also a commitment to get fighting until we got to where we are today,” he said.

They said they were looking forward to making their union official soon — without the seven other couples. “We definitely want to — it’s not an immediate priority, even though it’s nice to know we’re getting to where we can, once it gets past Parliament,” Mr Emery said.

Mr Coffey said a legally-recognised marriage would give them security. “It’s about knowing that if something happens to us, we have the same legal rights as a couple of heterosexuals and the rest of Australia do. It’s not just about marriage, it’s about what comes with marriage, and that’s equal rights as a couple,” he said.

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THIRTY minutes after the result was read out, the room at The Oaks was almost empty.

A few stragglers remained to tidy things away while the rest filtered out to get to work on time or drop kids off to school. Normal life resumed.

Mr Coffey said that normalcy and banality was key to winning the acceptance of Australians.

“Since the AIDS epidemic, it has been a constant fight to try to win the minds back of Australians. We’re normal; we’re no different to anyone else,” he said.

Having high-profile people out in the public eye helped enormously, Mr Emery said.

“It’s not all about the parties and the sex and the drugs. Now, we’ve shown people we’re normal.

“We’ve got families, we’ve got kids, we’re high up in government, we’re celebrities, we own the corner store. People have come out and are prouder,” he said. Kirsty Hunt and Amber Sayers are champions of normalcy among same-sex couples.

Territorians Tarzan Jungle Queen, Christine Power and Romans Paulson.
Camera IconTerritorians Tarzan Jungle Queen, Christine Power and Romans Paulson. Credit: News Corp Australia

They live rural, own property together and are raising a six-year-old daughter, Saige.

They’ve lived in the NT since 2002, and in that time, the community has been broadly accepting of their relationship. But the postal survey campaign was tough.

“Some of the No campaign ads have been quite hard-hitting, especially when they’re talking about our children,” Ms Sayers said.

“We have a daughter and we do everything in our power to make sure she is wholesome and brought up in the right way.

“For them to tell us that she’s not is so rude and obnoxious.”

Ms Hunt said it had been an anxious time, but the adversity had helped to bring people together and forge stronger friendships.

“When the going gets tough, the tough move together and mobilise, so it has been a positive experience on that level,” she said.

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THE same-sex marriage debate in the NT was largely devoid of the nastiness and negativity that marred the campaign down south. A few walls were graffitied with anti-gay slogans, and there were isolated incidents of Yes campaign material being torn down from homes and businesses.

There were allegations of vote tampering in remote communities, but nothing was proved.

It likely helped that there was little public opposition to the law change. All four of the NT’s federal parliamentarians supported same-sex marriage, and Chief Minister Michael Gunner and Opposition Leader Gary Higgins were both in favour of change.

Independent MLAs Terry Mills and Gerry Wood were the only people to speak out publicly for the No camp in the NT.

Mr Wood this week said while he accepted the majority of Australians disagreed with him, he would not change his view.

“I think the No case was probably always going to find it very hard to win, simply because the Yes campaign had the support of the media, especially (the NT News) and sometimes the ABC,” he said.

Against the might of the media and pro-same sex marriage organisations such as Qantas and the AFL, the No camp stood little chance, he said.

Mr Wood said the postal ballot process was inherently flawed when applied to the NT.

Vast distances, an unreliable postal service, language barriers and voter disengagement meant the NT had the lowest turnout in the survey, despite some efforts by the ABS to include remote voters.

“I can only go anecdotally, but I would say many Aboriginal people wouldn’t accept same-sex marriage as the norm. That’s not to say some (Aboriginal) people didn’t say Yes, but culturally, it wouldn’t fit in with their cultural norms,” Mr Wood said.

He’s now readying himself to take up the fight against proposed changes to the NT Anti-Discrimination Act. Mr Wood said this week’s Yes vote made it more important to oppose the changes he claimed would make it harder for people to voice unpopular opinions.

“My concern is that perhaps we are starting to move into an area where I am told I must think a certain way. It might be found that my views might be offensive and I might be told to shut up,” he said.

Ms Sayers, who lives in Mr Wood’s electorate of Nelson, is one of those who normally would like to tell him to shut up. But this week, she’s willing to let it slide.

“Gerry is only one voice among many and that’s his opinion,” she said. “People who have opinions like that, I don’t have time for; it’s about equality, it’s nothing to do with him.”